Peter Noland. Barry plays a wealthy contributor and hunter, who is willing to donate very generously to support Major Winston's (Barry Bostwick) campaign. But Noland, a macho man who claims he doesn't play any sports "for sissies" (such as golf), wants to make sure his money will go to someone he can relate to, so he's got one unbreakable condition: that Flaherty (Micheal J. Fox) has the guts to shoot a deer...even if it is a baby-deer. No killing, no check!

FLAHERTY : Guess you can get some distance off the tee with this baby.
NOLAND : Golf's for sissies. We're going deer huntin'. That's a man's sport.
CARTER : It certainly isn't a deer's sport.

FLAHERTY : So, Mr. Noland. I think if you take a look at our track record you'll see that Mayor Winston is clearly the man to support. Besides, being physically sound, the climate for big business in Manhattan has never been better and furthermore --
NOLAND : Whoa there! Who dropped a quarter in you? We can chitchat later. Right now it's time for huntin'. You a big hunter there, Flaherty?
FLAHERTY : No, no, no, no. Although my Dad once bagged 2 deer in one shot.
NOLAND : Oh, one shot. Did he use a riffle?
FLAHERTY : No, a Buick.
NOLAND : Ha, ha, ha. ha! A Buick! Ha, ha, ha, ha!
FLAHERTY : A Buick, ha, ha! Oh, what the hell are we gonna do?

NOLAND : All right, everybody, safety first! Put on your orange vests.
CARTER : Ok, 3 rules.
NOLAND : Well, are we gonna do this or what?
FLAHERTY : Yeah, yeah. You just show me what to shoot.
NOLAND : Ha, ha, ha! It's nice to know my donation is going to somebody I can relate to. Ohhhhhhh! There ain't nothing like money!
FLAHERTY : Except, of course, maybe killing.
NOLAND : Here, I brought some elk urine, to mask our scent. You know what to do with it. Just, um, drop a little on your jacket. And make sure you don't get any on your skin!

NOLAND : Shh-shh! The first buck at 2:00.
CARTER : Mike, you wanna translate?
FLAHERTY : Well, uh, Carter, if 12:00 is straight ahead, then 2:00 would be...
CARTER : That's gonna be right over...Oh! Look at that pretty animal.
NOLAND : There's nothing more breathtaking than seeing one of mother nature's children in the open in all its beauty. Who wants to shoot him?
FLAHERTY : No. No, no, no, no. You--you go ahead, because--because I went first at the outhouse.
NOLAND : I insist. What's the matter, Flaherty, don't you have the stones for it? Did I misread you? [Gunshot] Wow! I didn't even see that one. We don't usually shoot babies, but that is one hell of a shot. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

NOLAND : Mm-mm. It is a pleasure watching you shoot, Flaherty.
FLAHERTY : Yeah. I just wish we've could have found the little guy. He's probably fine, though. Right?. I mean, he's just walking it off. And sure, he'll have a scar, a nasty scar. But-but the other deer will just think that's cool.
NOLAND : Nope. You got him right in the haunch. He ran away but he'll soon...weaken from loss of blood. Then he'll be sitting out there in the cold, his life ebbing out of him. Then he'll call for mama: "Mama...mama!" But mama ain't coming, is she?
FLAHERTY : I need a drink.
NOLAND : Oh! Liquor at lunch! Ha-ha-ha-ha! You and I are kindred spirits, Flaherty. I got a bottle right in here.

FLAHERTY : So, anyway -- I'm telling you, if that deer hadn't made it, I would not have been able to get Noland's voice out of my head.
NOLAND : FLAHERTY!
FLAHERTY : You guys heard that, right?
NOLAND : You got away without getting your check.
FLAHERTY : Oh, hey Peter. Come on. Today -- today was not about money. Here's a pen.
NOLAND : Well, what would you do if somebody gave you a half million dollars?
FLAHERTY : Ha-ha! Kiss him on the mouth. I would thank him and not touch him.

NOLAND : What was that? It sounded like hooves.
FLAHERTY : No, that was James. Uh, James. We call him "Old Deer Hooves." Hey James, show Mr. Noland what you got.
NOLAND : I'm not big on dancin' men.
FLAHERTY : James, you're fired.
NOLAND : Now that was a hard-nosed decision. I respect that. How about we make it a million?
FLAHERTY : Paul, you're fired.
PAUL : Oh, that's just great.
NOLAND : Ok, now, one million...

FLAHERTY : Let me get this straight. You're saying it's the money, or the deer?
NOLAND : Let's just say it's a test. This is a very large donation, I want to make sure you have my interests at heart.
CARTER : Mike, we can't just allow him to shoot Prancer. We named him.
NOLAND : What's it gonna be, Flaherty? The deer gets killed and you get a million bucks.
FLAHERTY : How about $500,000 and we just slap him around a little?
NOLAND : No dice.
FLAHERTY : 250, we call him names? He's just a kid, that stuff stays with you.
NOLAND : I'm waiting.

• 3.4 - The Deer Hunter.

• Tuesday, October 13, 1998.

• TV-Series / Comedy.

• Andy Cadiff.

• Michael J. Fox.
• Bill Lawrence.

• Steve Rose.
• Amy Cohen.
• Michelle Nader.

• Michael J. Fox as Michael Flaherty.

• Carla Gugino as Ashley Schaeffer.

• Michael Boatman as Carter Sebastian Heywood.

• Connie Britton as Nicole "Nikki" Catherine Faber.

• Victoria Dillard as Janelle Cooper.

• Alexander Gaberman as James Leonard Hobbert III.

• Richard Kind as Paul Thomas Lassiter.

• Alan Ruck as Stuart Bondek.

• Barry Bostwick as Mayor Randall Winston.

• Barry Corbin guest stars as Peter Noland.

• Filmed before a studio audience in New York City.

• 30 Minutes.

• TV-14.

• UBU Productions.
• Lottery Hill Entertainment.
• Dream Works LLC.